Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Recap Roundup: Top Chef Texas Episode 1

A Just Recompense on first meetings: "They meet at the Alamo. Padma, who’s dieted-and-exercised away the baby-lusciousness she had in DC and All-Stars, greets them. They were chosen from over a thousand chefs, and, surprise, they’ll compete in three groups to earn one of sixteen spots. Three judges for each group, and majority rules. They’ll either be in, be out, or be on the bubble and have to cook again if fewer than 16 chefs are in. In his blog, Tom talks about how different this is from their usual procedure (and how hot it was; he also fluffs up Emeril’s Food Network reputation)."

Jordan Baker on the rules: "Padma explains that majority rules for all decisions – if two judges think they’re in, they’re in. If two think they should be eliminated, they go home. If they’re undecided, the chefs go “on the bubble” and compete again."

Best Week Ever on heats: "The chefs are divided into three groups of ten, then within those groups into sub-groups of three or four chefs who each present dishes at the same time, and from there they’re divided into phylum, class, etc and placed into hurricane districts by an independent arbitrator with an astrolabe."

Minxeats on Stone, Chef Tyler Stone: "Tyler's a personal chef who has apparently cooked for celebrities far and wide. In his mind. He's 22 and thinks his diapers don't stink. His smug expression and over-tweezed eyebrows would have been perfect for Rocco's Dinner Party."

The Stew on new judges: "Now we’re in the Top Chef Kitchen, decorated in red-white-blue lone star motif, and bam! It’s cuddly bear/parsley-volleying chef Emeril Lagasse, who will serve as a judge this season. He doesn’t strike us as a Simon Cowell, so for now he’ll occupy the encouraging Paula Abdul role."

Food and More on exactly what I was thinking: "Someone tell Chris Crary not to name drop Blais and Voltaggio when describing his style. It just makes him seem like a fanboy. A pompous fanboy."

CultureMob gives advice: "Colin, meanwhile, has a vegan restaurant and hasn’t worked with pig in ten years. Colin, meet me in the next paragraph.

Are you an idiot? Come on, I respect that you’re a vegan chef and I’m sure you make excellent vegan meals, but you’re on Top Chef. IN TEXAS! You’ve gotta know those bitches aren’t going to eat butternut squash and egg-less breads for the whole season. Maybe brush up on some meat-y recipes before going on a television show in front of millions of people? It’s like the people who come on here without memorizing a couple of cake recipes. No sympathy at all…you know it’s coming, you’re fooling yourself if you don’t prepare. Don’t be a fool, Colin….you’re at least 50% more attractive than Tyler."

Grub Street on names: "Ty-Lör Boring started talking about cooking his rabbit Thai-style, but we got distracted once again, this time by his name. Has there ever been a cheftestant with a better name? Can he win just so we can see the name Ty-Lör Boring plastered everywhere?"

Cliffieland on judging: "As the hour goes on, we learn that after the chefs cook their dish, the judges will decide whether they will be awarded a golden ticket to Hollywood/plane ticket to Vegas, be sent right home to cry in their pig bellies or will have to cook/dance/sing for their lives in a second attempt to be cast."

Starr Raving on heat 2 chefs: "Again, a lot of people to remember (or, actually, forget), but the one who stands out is Keith. Not only is he super tall, he served time for drug dealing and now owns a bunch of seafood restaurants. You've got to love that story. Oh, and he's a James Beard nominee, so we know he can cook. Janine also stands out, as she's had a rough year -- her father died and she broke up with 'somebody' (I guess that means a girlfriend), so she needs a check in the win column. Edward also needs to win, because his Korean parents don't respect chefs -- but apparently they'll change their tune if their chef son wins a reality TV cooking show. Go figure."

David Dust runs down who is in and who is out after 2 heats: Heat 1: "Making the cut: Chef Gay Glasses and his sous chef Gay Facial Hair, both Big Chicago Gals and the African American Gal.On the bubble: Cruise Ship Soup Nazi and Tiny Tenderloin Lady. Out: Tattoo Latino Guy and Vegan with the sloppy soup."

Heat 2: "In: Enormous Former Drug Dealer Dude, some chick named Whitney, Mr. Boring (YES!!!!!!!), some gal named Dakota, The Pretty White Boy and the adorable Pocket Latino. Bubble: The Korean Guy, The Lesbian Whose Dad Died. Out: The Chick With No Rabbit On Her Plate."

And check out the brand new Top Chef podcast at Top Chef Refire!

If you are a Top Chef recapper, drop us a line at alltopchef@gmail.com and let us know about it!

Posted on AllTopChef.com

1 comment:

Chef K said...

Thanks for the mention, guys!

We're live blogging the episode tonight @topchefrefire and we'll have an all new episode tomorrow night!