Monday, December 13, 2010

Recap Roundup: Top Chef All Stars Episode 2

Jordan Baker on Dale Talde's unfamiliarity with Joe Jonas: "Dale T. has no idea who he is and thinks he might be a pastry chef. Having survived Just Desserts, we all know that 'looks like a pastry chef' is code for someone appearing to be either a little light in the loafers or completely batshit 'the redhots are for my mommy' style insane."

Monkeys as Critics on celebrity fans: "I also love that Joe Jonas is a fan of the show, because I’m trying to picture the Jonas brothers curled up in their touring van, watching “Top Chef” and wondering out if they can make that sous-vide chicken with wasabi aioli from ingredients from the nearest 7-11. I’m sure after a while on the road, any musician can fall prey to the appeal of food porn."

My Monkey Could Do That on Dale L's Quickfire offering: "SweetTart nuggets and caveman boulders with chocolate sauce. He says his goal is to get the kids as jacked up on sugar as he can. Like a 10 year old rave."

Limecrete on the Quickfire bottom 3: "First in the bottom three is Tiffany, whose snack was messy. Mike's chocolate flavor wasn't strong enough. Stephen's cookie was fine, but the flavors in the middle (especially the mint) wasn't strong enough. Hmm... Tiffany, Mike, and Stephen. Why, it's all the people who used coconut!"

Fork in the Road on teams: "Dale L. gets the best line of the night, observing that the hilariously gender-segregated teams are like 'the Spice girls and their body guard versus the cool guys and their babysitter, Carla.' Then he says something about Ritz Cracker hand-jobs. Oh, Dale L., how we have missed you."

Buddy TV on kids: "Everything gets made and stuffed into pretty blue and red bags. Then the children descend like a plague of locusts, intent on eating everything in sight. Although, as it turns out, they don't like the weird chips and just get way wired on Tiffani's sugar delights."

Max the Girl on kids who get to stay up late: "The kids come charging in, already kind of spazzed out with the excitement and newness of spending a night away from home in a totally cool museum with ginormous dinosaur skeletons and stuff. THEN, they add sugar to the mix. THEN, they add Joe Jonas to the mix. Suffice it to say, you could mainline 5-Hour Energy for a month and you wouldn’t be this hopped up."

Reality TV Calendar on Tiffani's Elimination Challenge selection: "Tiffani frets that she thought the carnivores were really omnivores and that it was just the herbivores that were restricted. My preschool granddaughter knows the correct drill on that one. Sorry Tiffani."

David Dust gives us a quick lesson in paleontology: "Back in the day, the Tyrannosaurus Rex ate meat (thankfully there was no Paleolithic PETA), and Brontosaurususeses’ (Brontosauri??) - the Hippies of the Jurassic age – ate only vegetables."

Cliffieland offers an aside about dinosaurs: "In case you didn't know because you haven't been accosted by a know-it-all 10 year-olds over the past decade or two, the Dino the Dinosaur creature who provided the Flintstones with all those yummy Bronto Burgers is now called the Apatosaurus. ... Yet this still fails to explain how Dino felt watching Fred and Wilma down his butchered brethren. Or how the modern Stone-Age family felt eating the the same animal they kept as a pet."

Carol Blymire on the Hall of North American Mammals: "They're led to the Hall of North American Mammals to sleep among the taxidermied moose and bison, and Tre laments that he can't sleep in the nude like he usually does, and I'm all YES YOU CAN."

Ryan Scott for YumSugar on Tre's shirtlessness: "I'm actually out of bed doing sit-ups now so that I feel better about myself after seeing that dude's abs. After all, I have to turn the lights on at some point."

EW on the Merry Tribe of Museum Wanderers: "Team Brontosaurus roamed the halls on a flashlight tour, figuring they had only 45 minutes to sleep so why sleep at all? The herbivores stumbled upon a lonely Neanderthal and someone proudly made the connection: 'That's Casey in the morning.' Mean!"

After Ellen on cooking Brontosaurus-style: "Marcel, Angelo and Blais are making a parfait, and Angelo decides the plums need to be smaller. This annoys Marcel who thinks it damages 'the integrity of the plums.' Well, only if you tell them to lie about it, afterward. Angelo tries to explain his reasoning, but Marcel says afterward 'you don’t f--k with somebody else’s mise en place.' Wow, in terms of badass throwdowns that falls somewhere between 'Why, you're nothing but a great big coward' and'He can call me flower if he wants to.' Worst butch T-shirt slogan ever."

Creative Loafing on the guest judge: "Oh, I almost forgot to mention: They brought back Katie Lee to play guest judge for the Elimination. Remember her? The chick who hosted TC season one that they kicked off and replaced with Padma? Well, she was Katie Lee Joel back in those days because she was a smart lady and married rock royalty (and was hopefully smart enough to get a nice divorce settlement too)."

Best Week Ever on the win: "Team Brontosaurus wins, which means that the judges obviously had the final say because no kid in their right mind would ever vote for a brontosaurus over a t-rex."

Minxeats on the elimination: "Back in the stew, Jen declares that All-Star Jen is not the same as Season 6 Jen. Which proves to be true...Season 6 Jen ended up in the Final Four, but All-Star Jen is sent packing in episode two."

Gail Simmons for PopWatch shares her judge's POV on Jen's losing dish: "Jen’s dish wasn’t good and why do we know it? Because we were there and we tasted it. We always survey our diners to see what they think, but at the end of the day, for an Elimination challenge, we decide and often don’t agree with what they think. In this case, we all did. No one at the museum liked Jen’s dish. It was pretty unanimous. The pork belly was unappealing, overpowering, fell apart and had no textural counterpoints. The hard-boiled egg was totally forgettable. It wasn’t a good plate of food or something we would’ve ordered in the first place. And that’s what it comes down to: What dish do you want to eat again and what dish do you never want to see again?"

Vivek offers some constructive criticism to the recheftestants: "I was really upset with Jennifer Carroll. Her attitude, and Fabio’s attitude last week are both completely uncalled for. I understand the pressure all these chefs face, but you are a professional and should act like one. I believe in standing up for yourself, but there is also a time to be humble and accept criticism."

Procrastiblog shares a stray thought: "I’m considering a new rule: don’t ever put anything in an oven. Ovens can’t be trusted."

The Houston Chronicle managed to capture the adorbs photo of a very young Richard Blais looking a little sleepy.

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