Sandwiches and aprons and school lunches...our cheftestants were busy this week. So were our bloggers, actually, what with so many of them living in hotbeds of Pride weekend festivities. Fortunately, they were also able to take time out for a little recapping:
Jordan Baker with this week's goodbye haiku: "Jac’line Caterer / Left; color me unsurprised / Sugary pudding"
Minx Eats on the losing team's downfall(s): "Amanda wants to make chicken in a sherry jus. Really? She wants to feed alcohol to children? It's a myth that all alcohol burns off during cooking. Even after one hour of simmering, 25% can still remain. While Amanda is throwing her team's $ away on hooch, Jacqueline can't afford the chocolate she wants to use for dessert and has to resort to unripe bananas."
Cliffieland on Tracey's crush: "We also giggle as Tracey, our resident Rosie O'Donnell impersonator, takes the act to Tom Cruise-ian levels, revealing that she has a crush on Angelo."
What'ere, Jane Eyre on the losing teams: "Watch Judges' Table, where history is made, as the losing teams are called first for the first time ever. Angelo/Kenny/Tracey/Ed are there for their unhealthy menu, while Amanda/Jacqueline/Stephen/Tamesha did a poor job allocating their budget, and made crappy food to boot. Everyone immediately turns on each other, trying to wedge in reasons somebody else should get eliminated before the shot clock runs out."
Creative Loafing on weeding out: "Thankfully, another annoying person was kicked off. We’ve got about 11 of them (chef’testants who grate on my nerves and/or ears) left to be chopped, so I foresee this being a long season."
Single Guy Chef on team players: "As Tom goes around, Arnold is quick to talk about how he finished all his work so he could help the rest of his team. And Tom actually doesn’t like that because he wants accountability because there is an I in accountability. (Actually two I’s.)"
Max the Girl on Angelo's role: "By the way, I’ve decided that instead of making Angelo the villain of this season I’m just going to embrace the hotness. He’s the villain everyone wants to have sex with—like Eric from True Blood."
My Monkey Could Do That on the punning: "Padma mentions that good governments are bipartisan (um…OK) and that they will be participating in a 'Top Chef Bipartisan-dwich Quickfire'. PLEASE do not do this all season. Whatever new writer you hired to make all these puns, they are horrible. Everyone fake laughs."
Reality Check (Baltimore Sun) on Quickfire danger: "Timothy and Alex are partners, and Alex is freaking out because Timothy is being so aggressive, he's afraid Timothy's going to cut him. 'Every time I grab the knife, he's like, 'Tim, Tim, don't cut me, please don't cut me,' Tim says. 'I'm like, I'm not going to cut you ... at least not yet!'"
Inside Pulse on last week's loss: "It’s never fun seeing someone go home from a party, especially when it’s the person with the most visually interesting hair. But John’s departure last week means there is one less person to keep track of now, and since this is kind of like babysitting seventeen kids in a ball pit, we’re cool with the numbers dwindling."
Best Week Ever on the Elimination Challenge (and Jamie Oliver): "For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs must design a healthy, low-cost meal for a middle school cafeteria, a particularly pressing issue nowadays ever since Jamie Oliver’s show went on a competing network. Each group of 4 has a budget of $130, or $2.60 per kid, minus four dollars for labor or something (Sam subtracted only $4 for labor? Was that to simulate the school hiring 1910s immigrant mill workers?)"
Pop Watch (EW) on the setting: "There’s a place called Washington, D.C. where there are fat cats, along with bulls and bears, and people saying things like 'senate majority' and 'sexual relations.' In this land, things are blue and red, and there are a lot of white buildings, where famous stuff happened. Oh? What’s that? You’ve heard of this place? It’s where who lives?
Well, I’m with you, but apparently the Bravo producers are not because they want you to know that their new home turf is all politics and bad puns like 'bipartisandwich...'"
Gawker on Angelo's schemes: "Angelo is gaming the game. Angelo is the monster in the machine, the monster created by Magical Elves. He's the kid who read The Prince at an age before the id has been tamed by the super-ego."
Eater.com on Sam Kass's Kassiness: "Our chefs file in for the Quickfire and see this week's guest judge, Assistant White House Chef Sam Kass. Woah! Was Michelle in charge of this hire? I am a straight man, I am just saying I don't think there is a place on that guy where you couldn't crack a walnut, am I right? (No locavoro.)"
Slashfood on kiddie cuisine: "Given that some of the chefs actually claimed to have kids, you'd think they would've avoided cooking the kinds of things that make kids stick out their tongues in disgust: Chicken thighs in sherry jus (Amanda)? Sweet potatoes so full of pepper they caused scrunched-up faces (Ed)? A haute-cuisine amuse bouche of peanut butter mousse on celery crudite?"
Fork in the Road (Village Voice) on Jacqueline's unsurprising goodbye: "Finally, the judges put everyone out of their misery by telling Jacqueline that she had to go home because, as Tom said, the kids treated her pudding like 'someone put a turd on the table' and, as Sam said, the amount of sugar she used was 'unconscionable.' And so we got to see another contestant's hopes and dreams being dashed to hell by dessert, a fate as predictable on this show as bad puns, warring egos, and gratuitous product placement."
Give Me My Remote on Padma's canoodling: "In one of the bumper clips, a student asks Padma, 'Can I have a hug?' Since she obliged, I am asking in this public forum: 'Padma, can I have a hug, too?'"
Open Table has some insider insight (that is not really surprising): "Angelo cackles over his win and no one else is happy, including my viewing partner Ed, who reveals, 'Angelo’s just cooking something from his restaurant – in fact, he cooked THE FIRST SANDWICH ON THE MENU. I hope I’m not pulling the curtain back too much, but the vast majority of plates that ‘Top Chef’ contestants put out are things they have done a million times.'"
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