Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Finale Part Two

A Just Recompense on like the Super Bowl, but not: "Now we find out: each round will be voted immediately, and the first chef to win three rounds will win Top Chef. Sort of like the Super Bowl. For each round, first chef to win three votes wins the round. Which opens up all sorts of possibilities for manipulating the results to stretch things out and add suspense. It also cuts down on the discussion of the food, which Tom acknowledges in his blog. Sure they’d want to cut down on the descriptions of the food, since we’re viewers who can’t taste it and thus rely on the judges’ comments; they wouldn’t want to make it too easy for us. TC, Viewer Challenge Edition."

Minxeats on sous: "Each of the finalists has three hand-picked sous chefs waiting for them. Brooke has chosen Team California--CJ, Stefan, Kuniko--for whatever reason. Maybe to save Bravo airfare? Kristen, on the other hand, has chosen the sharpest knives in the box, namely the last three contestants to be eliminated from the competition--Mustache, Sheldon, and Lizzie."

Grub Street actually amused me a little this week: "Kristen and Brooke are both sweating while cooking their red snappler, a kind of fish. Brooke is pairing it with a 'pork cheek.' Between that and her pig-ear salad, I think Brooke would be a good person to know if you’re stranded on a desert island where the only thing to eat is a bag of pigs’ heads. Me, I would look at a bag of pigs’ heads and say, 'Nothing to eat here,' but Brooke would be like, 'I can make 30 entrees out of this one head, you idiot,' and I’d say, 'Well, excuse me for not knowing how to make a meal out of a dumb pig’s head,' and she’d be like, 'What’s wrong with knowing how to cook a pig’s cheek?' and I’d be like, 'Actually, I think it’s cool that you know all that stuff about food — in fact, I watched you on Top Chef,' and she’d say, 'I figured as much because don’t you remember how we were both on the Top Chef Cruise, which sunk, which is why we’re on this desert island in the first place?'"

Grantland says what we've all been thinking: "How else to explain the near-disastrous decision-making on display? Just a week after I praised the veteran food competition for always considering contestants 'solely on the strength of their cooking,' the producers chucked their winning format in the garbage like so many burnt pig ears. In its place we were served something both unwanted and unexpected: an overheated, painfully dulled version of Iron Chef. Instead of excitement, it was hard not to feel sorry for Kristen Kish and Brooke Williamson, the two totally deserving, totally shellshocked finalists, as they were pitted against each other in a garish kumite that treated both their talents and the audience's comprehension the way a Vitamix treats an overripe tomato. Instead of cooking the 'meal of their lives,' the two gifted chefs were forced to cook as if their lives depended on it, racing breathlessly to push out 68 plates (!) of each course, and then stand, sweating like salted eggplants, while it was judged on a nuance-free up and down vote, separated by time and context from what came before or after. It was loud and it was dumb. Kristen won, but we all lost."

Eater on baby mama? " I'm not sure how Brooke and Kristen worked out the sous chefs, but Stefan is on Brooke's team. He calls to Kristen. 'I chose light blue.' 'For what?' 'The baby's bedroom!' 'Shut up.' She seems genuinely uncomfortable with that joke. Maybe you took it too far, Stefan? I know I did. Sometimes, what people hate even more than being objectified is joke-objectified. What if she does want a baby with you, Stefan? Now your joke is mean. But who doesn't want a baby with you."

Mary Alice from Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on formatting: "The entire episode was done in Iron Chef style 'live' from a Kitchen Stadium-esque set with a hooting and hollering audience. This episode was also edited in a frenetic, choppy way that left me edgy and confused. The challenges and dishes were not clearly introduced, so much so that I was pretty sure at one point that I had missed the first 30 minutes of the show."

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Finale Part 1

A Just Recompense on Project Runway: "Some will disagree, as Top Chef has stolen the concept of 'home visits' from Project Runway (which probably means the Elves merely transplanted their own idea). Problem is: what makes the PR home visits work is Tim Gunn. Top Chef has no Tim Gunn (remember one of the first things Tom said back in Season 1: 'I’m not a mentor, I’m a judge'). What they do have are two finalists with lovely families, and I suppose the producers just couldn’t resist the opportunity to show that off. Not to mention get a trip to Hawaii."

Minxeats on cranky: "Soon enough time is up and Tom is in the kitchen to expedite. And he's a real cranky bossypants in that position. He makes the chefs as nervous as if this were the first time they had ever worked the line, and both Sheldon and Kristen DO work the line at their current jobs. In between fits of crank, Tom tastes all of the dishes."

Eater on welcome back: "I have never been as nervous watching Top Chef as I was last night, while Sheldon and Brooke waited to see who'd come through the double doors. Maybe it's my innate sense of fairness, maybe it's because I've developed this strong emotional attachment to Chef Kish, maybe I realize that the $125,000 prize money could be part of our dowery, but I would have flipped out at this show had Kristen not rolled through. I would have walked away and left Eater without its final two recaps. And God forbid a blog doesn't post about a TV show; the whole system would shut down. But Kristen did not disappoint. She's back, and Brooke, Sheldon, and Kristen make for one of the best final threes I can recall."

Grub Street on where's the product placement? "The three chefs marvel that they’re cooking in craft’s kitchen, but it looks like every other kitchen to me: I see ovens, sinks, and shiny counters. Interestingly, I don’t see any Canada Dry Ginger Ale, Healthy Choice Meals, or Reynolds Wrap. Are we sure this place is legit?"

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Episode 15

A Just Recompense on transport, Top Chef-style: "Continuing the theme of weird transportation (the Elves wanted to go with Planes, Trains & Automobiles, but it was already taken, so we got 'Cruise Ships, Helicopters, and Dogsleds' instead. And if that doesn’t have quite the same ring, well, that’s television; it isn’t like they had the $30 mil budget of the movie), they travel by dogsled to an Iditarod training camp. Brooke isn’t afraid of dogsleds. Either that, or the Xanax is still in effect."

Minxeats on scumbag behavior: "Roy [Choi], a Food & Wine best new chef, rose to fame with his fleet of Kogi Korean BBQ Food trucks. He tells the chefs that before he got into cooking full time, he was a real 'scumbag.' But one day, while being a scumbag, doing scumbag things like hanging out on the couch, watching Emeril Live! he happened to catch an episode in which Emeril cooks short ribs. It was a lightbulb moment, and right after that, Choi looked into culinary schools."

Mary Alice of Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun recaps the episode, but you'll have to click the link and see for yourself because the Sun wants to charge me for reading the article.

Grub Street on looking back: "But! Before that happens, the shit really hits the fan for Josh: His wife calls to inform him — via speakerphone, for the sake of the cameras — that her water broke and she's about to have their baby. Josh is moderately broken up. His kid will always know that dad missed the birth of his child because he was on a reality cooking competition. But chin up, kid: Going through life knowing that your dad chose Top Chef over your birth won't be half as embarrassing as knowing your dad thought an ironic waxed mustache was a smart look in 2013."

Eater on doggies: "The chefs disembark from the helicopter and are surrounded by so many dogs. Oh my God I love pups. Are they cooking for the dogs? I would very much like to see a Quickfire judged by 100 barking dogs. I think Josh would have a good chance of winning. Or do the chefs have to use the dogs as a main ingredient? I do not support kennel-to-table cooking, no matter how local it may be in Alaska."

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Episode 14

A Just Recompense on the bonus prize: "To no one’s surprise, Brooke wins. Seems the locals all agreed, as well. “I’m dying to go to Costa Rica,” she says. I don’t know if that’s because a producer is poking her with a sharp stick to get her to be enthusiastic about this product-placement prize, or if she’s always wanted to learn more about Fair Trade coffee – or if she’s just cold."

Minxeats on missing old friends: "This week the cheftestants - Mustache, Sheldon, Brooke, and Lizzie - start the show off by lamenting the loss of dear, sweet, kind, thumb-like Stefan. They miss his good heart, or something like that. Surely he paid them to compliment him after he left."

Eater on culinary destinations: "The chefs are at Tracy's King Crab Shack, 'Juneau's #1 culinary destination.' They are also literally steps from where their cruise ship docked, which is a funny place for a city's most famous restaurant to be. It's as if people land in Juneau to grab something from Tracy's and then immediately leave to eat it, like if the Burger King in the Port Authority was New York's #1 culinary destination, which it is if you are addicted to huffing."

Mary Alice from Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on babies, but not Josh's: "Sheldon is up next, he’s prepared a green tea & chive sourdough with smoked salmon and pea soup. His dish has some problems. Sean Brock is disappointed how Sheldon actually served the salmon — ripping it up with tongs like it was pulled pork. 'It is almost disrespectful.' he said. Hugh thinks the soup reminded him more of baby food. 'But a good baby, a healthy baby, a well flavored baby.' and suddenly we’re all thinking of soup that is made from babies. Thanks, Hugh."

Foodie Gossip on home sweet home: "The foursome retreat to the Jorgenson House, a lovely bed and breakfast in Juneau. Imagine a cozy country home complete with fireplace and old timey furniture. They do the obligatory “walk around and talk about how nice things are” scene when in a moment hard to describe with words, Sheldon jumps out from a curtain and scares the bejesus out of Brooke. She was genuinely scared, like literally curled up in a ball with tears coming out. Ah...priceless."

Grub Street still doesn't bother to do research or spell check: "Sheldon is smoking pine needles to flavor his asparagus. What kind of example is Sheldon setting? He’s essentially using a forest fire as an ingredient. This is the moment when Smokey the Bear throws a brick at his TV. Sheldon makes a miso out of the crab innards. Brooke goes crab-crazy, turning out crab butter with crab, and topping it off with crab salad and more crab. Josh decides to poach crab legs and make soucatosh(?), which pleases Sean Brock, a southern gentleman and suocautash(?) enthusiast who apparently hopped the wrong boxcar and wound up in Alaska."

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Episode 13

Minxeatson ill-advised: "Brooke doesn't like boats. She doesn't explain exactly why. She says she has to get over it though because she fears passing her phobia on to her kid. But isn't that what parents are for? To make their kids neurotic? She indulges in a series of umbrella drinks with her compadres and keeps a box of Dramamine handy, just in case drinking on a boat is a bad idea. Ahem."

Eater on the non-foodie member of the lettuce family: "Sheldon is bummed because iceberg is so boring but I would counter that maybe Sheldon is boring and he should shut up. Iceberg lettuce is great. It's what gives Taco Bell soft tacos crunch and stops them from being entirely smooth, frictionless diarrhea igniters."

HitFix on Qsine: "The theme of the evening is wacky, it seems. They eat sushi lollipops and food in drawers. The drawer thing is not working for Stefan, as he has OCD and wants to move everything around. I'm just wondering if the food is any good, honestly. Putting sushi on a stick does not in any way make it better."

Grub Street on Curtis: "Okay, anyway, they walk into the ship’s kitchen (called 'the galley') where they see ... CURTIS STONE! Curtis Stone is one of my favorite people to look at and think about in the context of cooking shows. Needless to say, he looks like an Adonis, although I’m not crazy about his new short haircut — I miss the wind-swept chaos that used to define his personal grooming. Maybe the producers asked him to cut it because of its resemblance to deadly crashing waves? (Lizzie has no complaints and gushes over Curtis’s appearance.)"

Allie is Wired on Quickfire eats: "Padma and Curtis are enjoying some booze on deck. Stefan serves up his offering first. It goes over well. Sheldon gets a 'very nice' from Padma before Lizzie enters with her bacon infused creation. Josh also shows up with a bacon heavy bite. Curtis notes that Josh 'walks like a chef.' Not sure what that means. Brooke offers up a mouthful of scallop nibbly thing."

Entertainment Weekly on proteins: "Because Sheldon won the Quickfire, he'd get first pick at his proteins, and none of the other chefs could choose them. The other chefs joked that Sheldon should choose canned tuna and Spam and other undesirables. But instead of reaching for the emu meat and live sea cucumber, he went for the most standard proteins available: beef tenderloin and lobster."

A Just Recompense on surf and surf? "Brooke takes frog legs and mussels. This raises an interesting question: are amphibians surf, or turf? They’re usually treated like chicken. They breathe air. I call them turf. But she’s not sure. It’s different, at least. She’s stressed because her dish takes seven steps to plate. But she gets the Mussels and Frog Legs with Celery Root and Fennel Puree, Papadums, and Shallot Chutney done. Curtis is impressed with the inventiveness. Tom likes the flavors; frogs aren’t usually that earthy, but she made them earthy. The only problem is the greasy papadums."

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Episode 12

A Just Recompense on warming the fish: "Josie gives a mini-lecture about the dangers of touching fish while making sushi since it warms the temperature. I don’t know if that’s a real thing or not – maybe that’s what Katsuya was talking about when he warned them not to touch too much – but I don’t feel like being lectured by Josie about anything. That’s what happens, producers, when you keep someone on past their prime. You teed her up for us, so I’m gonna take the swing. She’s making New England clam chowder. Hey, that’s what she said, it’s inspired by clam chowder,with bacon and yuzu vinaigrette. Halibut, bacon, yuzu, what kind of clam chowder is this? 'I love sushi, I’ve gone so far as to have sushi parties where we served sushi on naked women.' Talk about warming the fish."

Minxeats on blotto: "The cheffy guests arrive and sit themselves at a long table in the back yard. Padma is already stoned out of her gourd. She calls Tom, 'Tommy,' and suggests that Emeril and Wolfie are a 'power couple,' just because one of them pulled the chair out for the other. The wine is flowing pretty freely through the whole dinner, as this is the Terlato wine challenge. The lucky winner of the fried chicken battle gets a year's worth of Terlato wines. That's 365 bottles, according to Padma. Maybe she can drink that much wine in a month year, but 12 bottles would probably be sufficient for me."

Grub Street on product placement: "The judges have said 'fried chicken' at least 200 times this episode, by the way. I wonder if Healthy Choice is offended? Or perhaps this is all a way of ramping up to the introduction of Healthy Choice Fried-Chicken-Flavored Yogurt with Real Bones in the Bottom?"

Hit Fix on bacon everywhere: "Snidely Josh doesn't know a lot about sushi, as he doesn't crave it the way he craves bacon. So, he's making sushi with bacon. Stefan thinks he would have his fingers cut off in Tokyo. But Stefan is having chef's block."

Eater on foreign languages: "Everyone is very confident in their fried chicken recipes, in a way that all Italians swear by their own family's meatballs. Josie says to Stefan, 'How do you say "kiss my ass" in German?" He tells her, and she repeats it. He says, 'You just said, "I'm going home next."' Josie, don't you know that anything you say in German comes true?"

Mary Alice from Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on chicken: "Jon admonishes Josie for pitching her dish as 'Southern Style' when it's served on a banana leaf. Jon says in the South she would have been run out of town for such behavior. Michelle Bernstein, who was guest judge the last time Josie was sent home, couldn't bring herself to continue eating Josie's chicken: 'I had to put it down. I just ... I can't.'"

Allie is Wired on bullshit: "They move on to Stefan who defends that he doesn’t have a degree in Fried Chicken 101 because he didn’t grow up in America. Tom immediately points out that Wolfgang grew up in Austria and doesn’t have a problem whipping up a batch. Stefan then jumps to the defense that he wanted to put a twist on the concept. Padma isn’t buying it and asks how Chicken Cordon Bleu is a twist. He shuts up at that point as Padma notes he is a 'such a bullshitter.'" Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Episode 11

A Just Recompense on Josie: "Back in the Stew Room, Josie says something about being an easy target. Oh, don’t go looking for sympathy. Yes, you’re an easy target because you’ve shown grand incompetence throughout. You’re the reason I’m hoping Kuniko continues to hold on via Save-A-Chef. Now you’re the reason Kristen’s going to Last Chance Kitchen to run into the buzzsaw that is CJ. You’ve served raw turkey, you’ve been unable to keep up with live service twice, and now you’re unable to roast bones when that’s all you have to do. Lizzie got her bones roasted, what’s your excuse? Don’t you dare play the 'pity me' card. Look at Kristen: that’s how someone with class handles it."

Minxeats on Kristen's sins: "Sheldon's team goes back to stew, and Kristen and Josie are read the riot act over the bouillabaisse. Rather than throwing Josie under the bus for her slow-poke sauce-making, Kristen falls on her sword. It's her fault that someone else's dish tasted like shit, and also that she called two dishes something they weren't. TWO DISHES. That's practically grounds for beheading in Top Chefland. And rather than kicking off someone who has barely been hanging on for the run of the show, the judges send Kristen home. Stefan is verklempt, and he tells her he loves her."

Eater on Stefan and the judges: "He makes them all feel stupid and it is kind of amazing how offended they all are. I understand he did a bad thing here, and no one likes to be made to feel dumb by their server, but it seems to me that part of their shock is because these five judges, when they are in a restaurant, never get made to feel like anybody but somebody famous and important. I am almost impressed that Stefan had the gall to treat them exactly like how anybody dining out in New York feels often. Tom says that people go to restaurants for food and they return for hospitality. 'I don't know if I'd return to this restaurant.' Padma has maybe never been treated this way in her life and she loses her mind. 'He should go home for the service he gave me!' and she shrieks it like the way a spoiled medieval prince would demand a beggar child's hands be cut off for touching the prince's cape."

HitFix on bravery: "Oh my Lord, Sheldon is putting balut on his menu? If you're not familiar with them, these are fertilized duck embryos. There are beaks and feathers and, well, they're a little extreme for the American see-no-eyeballs, eat-no-beaks mentality. Fortunately, Sheldon is putting a modern twist on this. I'm assuming this means no baby bird beaks."

Grub Street on the undoing of Atelier Kwan: "Speaking of loathing: It turns out that Josie’s stock isn’t ready when Kristen expected it; the wheels are starting to fall off Atelier Kwan. Josie offers a bunch of mumbo jumbo about patience and layering broth and whatnot. I’ve heard enough from this delinquent debutante — I want to shake the screen: 'Josie! Just have shit done by the time you say it’ll be done!' Josie hasn’t even added the gelatin to the boullebase(?)! Kristen, barely keeping the top of her head attached, tells Josie to use cream and soy milk instead. I’m not sure what’s more of a turn-off: The fact that they were planning to use gelatin in their sauce, or the fact that they’re replacing it with soy milk. When did French cooking lose its way? Are they really putting pudding pops in their beef sauces these days?"

Allie is Wired on conspiracy? "Back at the digs, Josie smokes a cigarette with Stefan and Josh as she reveals Kristen wants to cook everything to order. She laughs smugly as she knows she is painfully slow. The boys also smile smugly knowing that Josie will be the death of Kristen’s vision."

Mary Alice from Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on hmmm: "Game day: Prep commences and the chefs really have their work cut out for them. Brooke will be taking on front of house for the girls' team, as she and her husband 'have opened four restaurants.' Which makes me wonder: All these chefs are constantly touting how many restaurants they've opened, but they never actually mention of any of them are still open."

Entertainment Weekly makes a good point: "osh made a more presentable version of it by using a normal unfertilized egg and putting duck confit and foie gras mousse inside of it. Tom said it didn't taste Filipino or remotely like balut, but it still tasted good. Didn't Kristen get reamed for making a beef Bourguignon that tasted good but didn't match the standard definition of Bourguignon? Didn't Gail 'expect' balut but get something different? Lines are being blurred. Maybe the judges were just so relieved not to be eating real balut."

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Episode 10

Minxeats on  Sheldon's Big Day: "The next day happens to be Sheldon's 30th birthday, and we find out that he's already cranked out three daughters. He's hoping to get his hands on one of those bonus 10K prizes that come with winning this challenge, because he's already got too many mouths to feed back in Hawaii, and that Spam shit is getting expensive. And he might need a new hat. But you know - birthday curse. Of course, Stefan celebrated his 40th birthday a few weeks back and he's still around. Even if he hasn't done squat as far as cooking winning dishes is concerned."

Grub Street on Josie: "The judges show up, hungry for concepts. Josie’s croquettes aren’t done yet! She’s struggling — you can tell because she’s laughing and making a spectacle of herself like she did at the berry farm. Brooke says it’s 'almost hard to watch.' Josie is not good at food-timing. Speaking of food, and time, and a couple of adorable croquettes, Danny Meyer and Tom reminisce about when they met 25 years ago."

Hit Fix on opening shots: "So, Dallas John is gone and that leaves the title of resident jerk to Stefan. I actually like Stefan in all his sexist crankiness (I ate at Stefan's at L.A. Farm and have to say the food was wonderful, so I'm biased). Of course, Stefan misses Dallas John. He was his morning friend! I like the idea that Stefan has friends assigned to certain times of day. Perhaps that's as long as he can stand someone."

Eater on eww: "The chefs scramble around markets as they brainstorm and shop for their restaurants. Sheldon is going to cook modern Filipino food inspired by his grandfather. I imagine somewhere Sheldon's grandfather is watching this episode and smiling, right up until Sheldon says, 'I had to change my underwear a few times.' The grandfather is no longer smiling. Sheldon is talking about being nervous, and I get that he's kidding, but 'a few times'? That is so specific. That means you filled your underwear up with waste, cleaned up, changed, and then repeated that like two more times. After the second time I would have gone to the hospital because I don't think it's your nerves, buddy."

A Just Recompense on collisions: "Josie runs across the kitchen and Josh tackles her. I think it was even an accident. 'If you want a hug, just ask,' he says; 'I was a professional football player, I can take a few hits.' If she weren’t a former professional football player, and if Josh weren’t a big guy, they’d both be on the floor, so I guess they’re even."

Mary Alice from Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on oops! "Brian Canlis, who judged an earlier episode this season, is complimenting Stefan’s broth when Stefan hits the blender’s go button a bit too soon, spraying Brian, his female companion, and everyone else within a 4 foot radius with hot liquid magma. 'Oh, s---!' Stefan exclaims. Brian laughs heartily, clearly having had enough drinks to not care that his cardigan and face are now drenched in Thai lobster bisque."

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Episode 9

A Just Recompense has got to be spot on with this observation on the dinner guests: "Two hundred 'superfans' (the sound guy’s cousins, someone Tom picked off the street last week, the hunky busboy Padma took a shine to at the Space Needle) are on hand to serve as customers."

Minxeats on the Elimination Challenge premise: "Using the Kindle Fires (because Internet juggernaut Amazon needs advertisement) nearby, the cheftestants will watch a memorable scene from one of the previous nine seasons. They will use that scene as an inspiration to create a healthy version of the dish in question, and the winning dish will be bastardized into a future Healthy Choice Café Steamer. I think 'Café Steamer' is such an unfortunate name. To me it sounds like a euphemism for something someone would leave in a toilet at Starbucks. (And wouldn't local Seattle business Starbucks make a better sponsor?)"

Eater on the Quickfire judge: "The guest judge on this week's Quickfire Challenge is a stranger to our cookpetitors. They mumble, 'Who is that?' Padma introduces Bob Kramer, a 'Master Bladesmith.' I did not know that 'Bladesmith' was a thing. Why not just 'Blader'? Doesn't it sound much more natural to say that Bob Kramer is a Master Blader? "He is one of the finest Master Bladers in the country, and though at this point in his life he does not Master Blade as frequently as he used to, people pay upwards of 500 dollars an inch every time he Master Blades.' Bob Kramer worked in kitchens for ten years, and then he 'got sucked into the world of making custom knives.' Oh yeah, don't get me started on the world of custom knives. It's an infamously addictive world, and not a day goes by we don't hear another tragic story about a young professional vacuumed into the vortex of the glamorous custom knife world. Once a man has discovered Master Blading, it's hard to get him to stop."

Carol Blymire for the Washington Post on miso: "Not one of these dishes looked or sounded appetizing to me, and way too many of them incorporated miso. I don’t know about you, but I feel like miso is the lazy cook’s way to 'add flavor' to a dish. Dazzle me with something new and interesting. Know how to use salt and use it well. Cook with good product and make it taste the best it can. But don’t be lazy and throw miso into everything because it adds umami or deepens flavor. It doesn’t. It tastes like you added miso."

Allie is Wired on why John is the Most Hated Chef This Season: "The rest of the chefs are relieved to hear they are safe. They also get the details on John’s 99 problems/excuses. He stands by the pots being to blame for his awful risotto and exclaims: 'I’m pissed! I shouldn’t have to cook again. It was the pots!' I guess they really want to make sure we find him completely repulsive…John then grabs all of Lizzie’s dill that she agreed to share and then repeatedly leaves the oven cooking her meat open as he complains about her 'pushing him around' and constantly 'bitching' about his lack of common courtesy in the kitchen. He then goes on to say she should be thanking him for sharing the pickles. This guy is an incredibly sad human being."

Grub Street on healthy: "Speaking of potpies, Kristen wants to make a 'healthy' chicken potpie. Josie wants to make a healthy dish, too, since her job is teaching people how to eat wisely. Meanwhile, Brooke talks about being depressed, becoming overweight, and then losing the weight. Why all this talk of healthy food? I think it’s because our sponsor is Healthy Choice, the leading provider of food that’s not only nutritious but comes in brightly colored boxes."

HitFix on complicated: "Once the sharp, shiny objects are put away, Padma explains the ridiculously complex challenge. There will be three elimination rounds with three teams of three. For the first round, the chefs will have to sharpen dull knives. The fastest two teams move on. Next, the teams have to tourne fifty potatoes. In the third round, the winning team splits up and each chef competes individually. The chefs must then each break down and french a rack of two rabbits. The first chef to finish the rabbits gets immunity and a Bob Kramer blade. I really think it takes Padma longer to explain the challenge than for us to see it."

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Episode 9

Minxeats on that sinking feeling: "Josie, who at the end of last week's show was seen getting on the nerves of Stefan (and everyone else), gets caught in some quicksand. Most of the chefs are happy to leave her to sink and disappear, but kind-hearted Micah (who's not really all that kind-hearted - he probably sees it as some sort of merit badge situation) rushes to her aid, along with Stefan, who despite being a douche most of the time, can't really bear to see anything with a vagina go unassisted."

A Just Recompense on skating judges: "But we do get to watch Padma skate; apparently it’s something she did in her wild and foolish youth. Tom looks embarrassed and worried. Emeril’s enjoying himself thoroughly. Stefan drools. He admits, 'I purchased Season 9 just to cut out clips of her.' That’s about all Season 9 was good for. By the way, Emeril’s skater name would be Bam Bam. You knew that was coming, right?"

Hit Fix on Quickfire verdicts: "So who missed the mark? Bart -- he felt the butter lost the Champagne and masked the oyster. He thinks Josie should have strained the oyster, as her sauce seemed to have separated. He thought Dallas John's dish needed pop. He liked Lizzie's because it was unexpected and delicious. He thought Micah's was risky, but he wanted to eat more. He thought Brooke's salsa verde had beautiful flavors that complimented the oyster. Pretty impressive -- he didn't ding her for the broken shells. But the winner is… Micah. For Micah, this is a big deal, as cooking for Emeril is, to him, like being Moses and meeting God."

Reality Tea on an unlikely pairing: "The chefs have 2 1/2 hours to prepare their dishes at the roller rink, though not on roller skates (bummer). Just a reminder… Bart has the unfortunate task of working with Josie. Bart urges 'Juicy' to let go of the drama and focus on what's important – the food. Josie pours her Mexican/Filipino/Italian heritage into her teriyaki sauce. To each their own, I guess, but those influences don't scream teriyaki to me. When Bart tastes it, he doesn't look sold. Also, Josie isn't impressed with Bart's rice. I have a feeling this isn't going to end well for one of them."

Grub Street's recapper makes me scratch my head: "Josie is making chorizo with oysters, Spanish-style. But her sauce 'goes past reduction and is broken.' (I assume there was a solid ingredient in the sauce that got so soft, it fell apart — like chicken bones, or something. I know you can make soup stock using old turkey bones, so I guess Josie overcooked the bones and they “broke” inside the sauce.)"

Eater on roller derby is a sport?: "For this week's Elimination Challenge, the cooktestants will be serving 'one of the hottest sports teams in Seattle.' I can only assume that Padma is talking about the Seattle Supersonics; maybe the chefs will be cooking dinner for Shawn Kemp's seven children by six different women. Alas, we have to settle for roller derby, as the Rat City All-Stars come rollerskating into the kitchen. Man, what is there even to say about roller derby? Dear friends of mine have been involved with roller derby, and even though they've broken limbs and noses and I never bothered to come see them play once, they assured me they'd made friends for life, and when I say 'life' I mean they quit talking to those people the second they stopped wrestle-rollerskating."

Allie is Wired on Josie's explosion: "They arrive back at their digs after the match and Josie passes out on the couch as Stefan asks what happened at the match. Josh explains that Josie is just being Josie – loud and obnoxious. Micah adds that, “Everything that came out of her mouth during the match was not important.” Josie springs back into life from her slumber on the sofa and starts yelling about being a tree that knows who she is. Micah steps in and tells her to sit down. She responds by calling him a gay man hiding in a closet. Bart and his electric yellow/green/pink paisley shirt comfort her as the rest of the chefs scratch their heads in a WTF was that moment."

Carol Blymire for the Washington Post on Elimination judging: "Josh’s twee cap and douchestache fight Josie’s self-branded sweatband for camera time. Tom tells all four of them that their dishes missed the mark. Padma asks Josie and Bart who did what in their dish. Bart looks pained when Tom tells him his cooking, in general, is under-seasoned. Tom criticizes Josie for not knowing when something isn’t seasoned well. Josh seems surprised even to be there, then pulls a CJ and says he thought the stuffed jalapeno was concession-stand food. Tom and Padma correct him and tell him the components in his dish just weren’t good."

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Episode 7

Minxeats on being foiled: "Some chefs were luckier than others. Some were also smarter. TMHCiD, for example, thought he was picking up a pot full of herbs but actually got a pineapple. Because pineapples feel exactly like pots of herbs. (What sort of "herbs" was he looking for?) A shame he didn't pick up two objects that were completely different from what he imagined them to be because I could then make a joke about him being foiled...again. Or maybe it's best that I not get that opportunity. In any case, Bravo beat me to it, because according to their Web site, they've titled this episode, "Foiled Again!" I'm not sure if I should feel clever or dumb because I had the same thought as the network."

A Just Recompense on name-dropping: "Lizzie is highly offended that Josie thinks she’ll be easy to beat: she’s cooked for Desmond Tutu and Nelson Mandela – twice! Hey, Lizzie, chill: the Obamas love Spike’s burgers, and he’s still an ass."

Grub Street on Josie's dish: "Josie, scrambling to finish her rolls, starts yelling about how much fun everyone’s having at the berry festival. When Josie announces that she’ll be putting on an 'after-show,' Gail asks Tom: 'Is she high?' Meanwhile, Padma licks berry juice off her index finger in a beguiling, 4/20-fueled manner. Gail wished the roll had more of that classic 'bright raspberry flavor.' Tom’s disgusted that Josie is more interested in 'putting on a show' than making good food. And why would she put mayonnaise in a spring roll? God only knows."

HitFix on the ghost of Rick Moonen: "As everyone frantically cooks and trips over one another, Tom stops by to chat with the chefs. This is friendly right up until the moment Dallas John tattles that Stefan has frozen tuna. Of course, this isn't throwing another chef under the bus, oh no! It's not that it's frozen, it's the fact it's not sustainable. He was simply making a political statement! Yes, if we know anything about Dallas John, it's that he's a fish loving environmentalist with high moral standards. Or something."

Allie is Wired on more foiled again: "Their challenge is to cook anything they want. The catch is that the kitchen has been turned into the Tin Man’s warehouse. Everything is covered in foil. They must use whatever ingredient they unwrap and use the foil as a cooking vessel. Stefan rips open his protein and gets salmon despite his hopes for goat balls. The kitchen becomes a scientist meets caveman approach to cooking."

Eater on trouble in the kitchen: "Bart is very spunky today. He calls Brooke a fancy pants girl from LA, even though he's like the Crown Prince of Brussels or whatever. Maybe Brooke should invade him; it's very easy from what I understand. He then yells at John for hogging the blender. 'Do I hear blending? Nooooo.' They tell one another to fuck off, and then the blender tells John, Josh, and Danyele to all three fuck off."

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Episode 6

Minxeats on who are these people? "Anna Faris, who's been in absolutely nothing I have ever seen, and her husband Chris Pratt (ditto) are Washington natives who are in town for a 'holiday homecoming' party. In June. Anna is preggo and eating everything in sight, and both of them are foodies, so they want the party food to be primo. Lord knows why they went to Top Chef if they want good food, but they're probably also media whores who just wanted to be on television. Stefan thinks he has something in common with Anna because they've both been on Entourage. Like I said - media whores."

A Just Recompense on the real challenge: "The real challenge, for those of us watching Top Chef on a meta-level, is not – repeat, NOT – to authentically represent one’s cultural heritage, but rather to figure out what an 85-year-old woman from North Dakota who thinks The Olive Garden is pretty cool (and just recently had a whirlwind tour of New York top-flight restaurants) would like."

Mary Alice from Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on top and bottom Quickfire dishes: "Time is up, and dishes are served. Marilyn and Padma dig in. Marilyn is not crazy about Bart's Belgian waffles or Micah's dry tamales -- which she calls a "taco," much to his displeasure. Marilyn's winner is Brooke, who gains immunity for her apple crostata with cheddar cheese, candied pine nuts and apple salad. Brooke is sincerely surprised as Padma had described her dish as 'homey' upon tasting it. Let that be a lesson -- homey is where the heart is."

Grub Street on Kristen: "Delice de Bourgogne tortelloni. I thought it was a dessert, but my host corrects me: 'It’s very fancy cheese tortellini with foam on top, which looks lovely' I don’t know who these people are anymore. Kristen feels 'really good' about her dish but still has doubts. Rick Moonen says it’s 'the perfect bite,' which is probably what Stefan says about Kristen’s neck."

Hit Fix on the Quickfire: "The Quickfire Challenge is simple: each chef must create a sweet and savory holiday dish reflecting his or her cultural heritage. And if it tastes like Olive Garden? Even better! And there's a twist! There's only one knife available for everyone. AND they have 30 minutes. I suspect a lot of these dishes will taste like they were made at Olive Garden just by default. I also suspect that Marilyn is far too nice to say anything negative to the chefs, so I expect a lot of encouragement even if she has to spit food into her sleeve between takes."

Reality Tea on drama, or lack thereof: "There is a massive shortage of drama this week! Instead, I'll share a few observations: John is door-challenged. Josh and Stefan are BFFs and share a Top Chef good luck charm. Aww, that's cute! Do you know what isn't cute? Danyele's eyeliner. The girl needs to lay off the extra-thick Sharpie. When Danyele seeks sympathy for her atrocious eyeliner meat, Josh is all like, So sad, but I'm not here pet your hair and sing you Soft Kitty to make you feel better. I'm here to win. For a split second, I love Josh, but then I remember his favorite mode of transportation is the douche canoe. However, if Micah doesn't calm the hell down soon, he'll be my newest most hated cheftestant."

Allie is Wired on odds and ends: "John is outsmarted by the door and crashes into it after their run to Whole Foods. Danyele and her insane bottom lid eyeliner she appears to have put on with a jumbo Sharpie, are nervous that her pork chops are a little too thin. John, who has recovered from getting his rump kicked by the door, is droning on about being taught by the Obi-Wan Kenobi of seafood, Rick Moonen. He is confident his chowder will be the prettiest princess at the ball."

Eater on meeting with the celebs: "Each chef will cook one dish for the party, and Chris and a pregnant Anna want to eat a lot of everything. Chris asks them to pack in as many calories as possible into each bite, so all the chefs will just be serving open peanut butter jars and spoons. Chris is Norwegian and Anna's German, and they are adventurous eaters. They love game, local salmon, Dungeness crab, and not hummus. Some chefs begin to plan cooking Pacific Northwest specialties, and some plan to make Norwegian and German food. Danyele plans to make a backpack that has googly eyes and stuffed animal arms and then fill it with scrunchies, and Eliza stares at the camera while slowly eating and finishing an entire jar of paste." Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup Top Chef Seattle Episode 5

Minxeats on Tom is pissed: "The lunch was an unmitigated disaster, and the judges felt bad for the artisans whose products were so horribly tortured in the name of lunch. Tom is in a snit and declares that nobody will win the challenge or the 10K bonus prize and stomps into the stew room to let the cheftestants have a piece of his mind. He tells them that they suck and that a whole team will be going home for its suckitude. And they'll be further tortured by having to wait until the next day to find out who is going home. The chefs cry."

A Just Recompense on incompatible: "They’ll stay in their teams, which makes just about everyone nervous. To summarize: Lizzie isn’t sure she knows Danyele well enough to cook intimately with her; Eliza is worried that she and Josie aren’t truly listening to each other; Josie is not enjoying this at all but she’s going to do her chefly duty, it’ll be over soon; Tyler finds CJ’s idea too simple but he’s a veteran so he’s in trust; John knows Josh is just barely tolerating him so is trying not to explode the wrath within; Josh is going along with anything John says just so they don’t start butting heads. I think these people need marriage counseling more than they need cooking."

Entertainment Weekly on truth in advertising: "Ingredients ranged from pickles to cheese curds (yum), but by far my favorite reaction was when Stefan pulled rose petal jelly. 'It’s like rose water. It’s a perfume kind of thing. Women in the 1500s put it on them because they were smelling.' Could you make your eventual meal sound any more appetizing?"

Mary Alice of Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on deflection: "After Padma dismisses them, CJ starts to say something and then shakes his head. 'One last thing, CJ?' Padma asks. CJ turns back and asks the judges what they thought of Danyele/Lizzie’s dessert. 'Because that thing was an abhorrence. It was a debacle. It was diabolical. It was a travesty,' he says. To which Hugh retorts, 'Well, uh-oh, ‘cause your burger was even worse.' Tom bursts out laughing. Josh reprimands CJ for asking: 'Stop underhanding pitches to a pro baseball player!' thus ending what I thought would be the worst but ended up one of the funniest Judge’s Table ever."

Eater disses the artisan: "Breakfast and sticks and satisfied vendors are all in good fun, but now things get dark. Pike Place is also a farmers market, and as you know, farmers markets are full of 'artisans.' Each team has two hours to cook a lunch highlighting a different Pike Place artisan ingredient. Now the word 'artisan' can mean a lot of things: it can be someone who has spent half a lifetime perfecting the crafting of bread or knife-making, for example, or it can be someone with a mommy blog who spends every other Saturday afternoon filling cute jars with unusual horse shit only appropriate as a thoughtless gift from and for jerks. Sadly, most of the ingredients our competitors must use in this Elimination Challenge, one worth ten grand, fall into that latter category. This whole thing would be more appropriate for a Quickfire, where they've got twenty minutes and who cares if they make a bad Reese's Pieces ravioli, but to serve an elegant lunch that highlights bagged truffled popcorn, a food Tom wouldn't let through the back door of his restaurant, is embarrassing for everyone, including me."

Reality Rewind explains the elimination challenge: "For the Elimination Challenge on Top Chef 2012, the teams will be staying together for this challenge. They draw knives: Sheldon and Bart have Salmon Candy, John and Josh have Truffle Popcorn, Brooke and Stefan have Rose Petal Jelly, CJ and Tyler have Spicy Dill Pickles, Josie and Eliza have Cardamom Bitters, Danyele and Lizzie have Coconut Curry Chocolate and Kristen and Micah have Cheese Curds. They have to make a dish to highlighting the ingredient they have picked and the artisans who created the ingredient will be judging them. They have two hours to create their dish and the winning team wins $10,000."

Allie is Wired on pairings: "CJ and Tyler throw ideas around, but Tyler looks at CJ to make the decision. I wish this guy would find his testicular fortitude. He is nice, but has no confidence. Those proverbial nice guys always seem to finish last. On the other side of the pairings, Josh is barely tolerating John. Again, I scratch my head at why these two teamed up in the first place? Maybe they have a secret man crush and John pets Josh’s mustache at night while singing ‘Soft Kitty’ to ease him to sleep in the stressful environment. I suddenly want to see ‘Top Chef: After Dark.’"

Reality Tea on burn: "C.J. defends the integrity of the pickle. Tom says, 'It never crossed your mind… not what goes with pickle but what can we make with a pickle?' Tom calls out John and Josh, saying their food was what you'd expect from someone who doesn't like cooking. Hugh says that Stefan and Brooke used so much rose petal jelly, it was like eating a grandmother. Overall, Tom is disappointed that no one fought to make his or her team's dish better. Gail wonders about the lack of artistry – no garnish, no presentation, etc."

Hit Fix on artisanal products: "Elimination Challenge! Teams remain the same, and each team has to draw a knife bearing the name of some weird ass ingredient. The challenge? Each team must create a dish highlighting said weird ass ingredient. Oh I'm sorry, these are artisanal weird ass ingredients, which means you can have them gift-wrapped and sent to people you dislike. They will be judged by the people who create these horrible sounding things (coconut curry chocolate? Salmon candy? Rose petal jelly? Blech!), and they have two hours to make them lunch. This may be one of the grossest challenges yet, "Top Chef," just saying."

Grub Street on artisans: "Padma introduces us to some of the Seattle artisans: Dale Nelson makes spicy pickles and the rose petal jelly. He looks a little old and square to be an artisan — I can’t imagine him hanging out in Capitol Hill, a hip Seattle neighborhood I just learned the name of by Googling 'hip Seattle neighborhood.' Likewise, Kurt Beecher Dammeier, who made the cheese curds, looks like a high-school gym teacher. I thought Seattle artisans would be young and skinny-jeaned. Am I guilty of artisan-profiling?"

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Episode 4

A Just Recompense on the good old days: "Welcome back to the 50s – a time when no one knew what cholesterol was, when 'dinner' meant shrimp cocktail and roast beef, when desserts were sweet and no one apologized for them, a time before people used words like 'arugula' or 'balsamic vinegar' in polite company."

Minxeats on bitching and moaning: "This week's show opens in last week's stew room. John is once again proving why he's the Most Hated Chef in Dallas (and by the time the show is over, possibly the Most Hated Chef on TV, except maybe Gordon Ramsay) by insulting all and sundry in the room. He even goes so far as to call Mr Mustache a 'blogger.' Honestly, I think he should be proud to be called that - we bloggers are more influential than chefs these days. Heh heh. Stefan above it all, saying it's too much like the Real Housewives of Seattle. Andy Cohen, make sure you give Stefan credit when you put that show on your network."

Atlanta Journal Constitution on menu distribution: "As the team divvies up the old school menu, a few chefs feel a little slighted. Stefan sort of takes over the dish distribution, and Carla isn’t pumped when she gets saddled with the squab dish. Considering how she reacted to being called “sweetie” last week, I’m surprised she took that one lying down. Likewise, Kristen gets two sides, a fried onion dish and mushrooms. Not exactly the sort of thing that lets a chef showoff."

Hitfix on villains: "Remember the fighting we saw at the end of last week? How everyone hated Dallas John for bagging on Kuniko? Yeah, that wasn't all of it. Of course the show saved a little bit of crazy to kick things off this week, and just to confirm, everyone really, really hate Dallas John. And he's pissed about it! As far as he's concerned, 'Josh was a redneck and CJ was playing me.' Um, what does that have to do for calling Kuniko just short of an idiot? But wait! Dallas John has one sole defender -- Stefan. I think Stefan's just relieved someone else is the villain this season."

Grub Street on it's what's for dinner: "It’s kind of amazing how many ways you can prepare beef. For instance, Stefan makes little slimy globules of meat that look like they’d be right at home in my shower drain, while John, the most hated chef in Dallas, makes oxtail with gnocchi. (For those of you who don’t know, each beef has multiple parts to it, and you can make different things with the different parts: If you cut off an ankle, you can make beef-ankle stew. If you get the flank, you can make flank-beef parts with drizzled mushrooms.)"

Reality Tea on eliminations: "Observation: Two of the quickfire top were in the elimination challenge bottom four and two of the quickfire bottom were in the elimination challenge top four. Also, Jeffrey got raves reviews in week 1 and was eliminated in week 2. Kuniko won the elmination challenge in week 2 and was eliminated in week 3. Carla won the elimination challenge in week 3 and was eliminated this week. Will Kristen be eliminated next week?"

Allie is Wired on thquab: "Enter the squab issue. I am going to call this woman Evil Carla. The loveable HOOTIE HOO of season 5’s Carla Hall is greatly missed as Evil Carla thinks undercooked squab sitting in a pool of blood “looks fine.” Her dish repeatedly gets sent back with an reject stamp. She does take the time to let the boys in charge of the grill know the bird is too rare, but she has the same philosophy of John. She has opened restaurants and this somehow gives her a superpower for never failing. People are getting violently ill from undercooked meat? It’s ok! I’ve opened a restaurant. Problem solved!"

Eater on kitchen nightmares: "Everybody cooks in Canlis' luxuriously large kitchen. It seems comfy, but also there is a copper-walled grill room. Maybe that is a common thing, as I am not a chef, but it seems like a literal nightmare: a crazy hot metal room with a small locked doorway. I have only seen about 10 of the 15 Saw movies, but I imagine there must have been at least one or two traps in a grill room. It is some real Final Destination shit."

Mary Alice from Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on poor Tyler: "Naomi lists off her least favorite dishes, including Tyler’s crudo, which she thought was underseasoned. Cut to Tyler’s interview where he quite seriously becomes Charlie Brown, declaring, 'I can’t do anything right!' heaves a sigh, and stares at the ground. Holy cow, please don’t let them pull the football away from him during the elimination tonight."

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Episode 3

A Just Recompense on Josie: "Josie makes Triple-Spiced turkey with cayenne. There’s nothing like hearing Emeril tell her to 'stuff that ass with butter' to make your day. 'I have immunity,' says Josie. So I can screw up the protein, which will rack up a loss for the team, and get someone else truly talented out of my way, she thinks. 'Oh, so you can push the envelope,' says naïve Emeril. Yeah, I’m sure that’s what she meant. Actually, I’m pretty sure that is what she meant, or it was a sincere offer to do whatever was riskiest, which usually means dessert."

Minxeats on babies: "Once the two teams are in the kitchen, Stefan immediately starts bitching that the Gray Team is taking up too much space and shoos them away from a piece of prime real estate that he wants. Then he and John Tesar get into a dick-measuring contest. 'You're a kindergartener!' shouts Stefan. 'No! You're the kindergartener!' shouts Tesar.

We know the show has a medic around, but how about someone who changes diapers?"

Reality Tea on kitchen drama: "C.J. and Stefan taste Carla's soup before it's seasoned and she loses her mind. C.J. raises his hands and says, 'I just tasted it!' Stefan annoys Carla further by calling her 'sweetie' and 'honey.' Carla yells, 'There will be no sweetie anymore!' Stefan laughs and shares, 'Why I left Europe… European women!' Much later, Carla and Stefan are still at it. Stefan admits that Carla freaks him out a little bit, especially since her ex-husand is rumored to be in the mafia. Carla just goes on and on and on about the 'honey' thing. She yells, 'Girls are honey, sweetie. The guys are chef. What the f***!'"

Atlanta Journal Constitution on big shots in the kitchen: "In the biggest shocker of the evening, Emeril’s decides to have his team make a creole-style Thanksgiving, while Tom’s team goes Italian. It was actually a nice change of pace to see Tom and Emeril mixing it up in the kitchen, both of them really seemed to come alive while they were working with their teams. It looked like they were really having fun with it. Sometimes it is easy to forget that those guys are chefs, first and foremost, and are most at home in the kitchen."

Mary Alice from Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on language barriers: "From the winning red team, CJ, Carla and Lizzie are called back to decide the challenge victor. Padma commended their meal was 'near flawless.' Tom said he was confused by Carla's carrot soup as she had told him she was making cabbage soup. Lizzie chimes in, 'I think she said carrots, but it sounded like cabbage,' and Carla confesses, 'Sometimes I need a subtitle.'"

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Episode Two

Mary Alice of Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on Mr Irritating: "Dear John Tesar, either wear your glasses, get some Croakies or take them off. Don’t prop them on your forehead. Is that your haute cuisine take on Guy Fieri’s backwards sunglasses? Because it’s just as irritating. Especially in front of the judges."

Minxeats on sky high: "For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs get to cook for Seattle restaurateur extraordinaire, Tom Douglas. They will get 47 minutes to cook. Why such a weird amount of time? Well, they'll be cooking in the kitchen atop the Space Needle, and it takes 47 minutes for that thing to make one revolution. 'There's a kitchen up there?' you ask. Yes, a whole restaurant, called Sky City. And the prices are sky high. I suppose they figure that if you've spent $19 to get up there to begin with, you might not be averse to forking over more money for dinner. Maybe the change in altitude will make you light-headed enough to pay $38 for pear and brie agnolotti. Or $56 for lamb chops. And if you think, 'oh, I can just make a meal out of a couple of appetizers, or an $11 salad and $9 soup,' you're wrong. The minimum charge per person is $35 - it says so right on the menu."

A Just Recompense on Belgian influence: "“In Belgium, we’ve been conquered so many times, we just keep everything from everyone who’s conquered us.” Dang, he’s right: The Romans (57 BC), the Franks (5th century AD), Austria (1477), Spain (1566), Austria again (1714), France (1794), Holland (1815), and Germany in both world wars. And Belgium is still there. That’s flexibility."

Atlanta Journal Constitution on the Quickfire: "The teams have a very short 20 minutes to prepare some form of local shellfish – complete with many jokes about everyone’s favorite phallic bivalve, the geoduck. The orange team looks like the clear favorite to crash and burn, due mostly to the fact that Carla is one part diva, one part Real Housewife, and two parts nutcase. What else is there to want in life than to 'be a James Beard and have a nice ass'?"

Reality Tea on the cheftestants' reaction to the twist: "Padma announces that Stefan, Josie, and C.J. will join Top Chef Seattle as competitors. The kitchen is full of nervous laughter and fake smiles. Tyler adds, 'Bullshit!' Josh whispers to Danyele and Eliza, 'It's gonna suck. I'm gonna get into fights, I'm sure, now.' To us, he says, 'F*** them. I hate them all." Micah shares, 'I'd love to whip their asses. Bring it on.'"

Grub Street on getting to know you: "Then the gang goes to a place called Olive 8, which sounds like a sexy robot superspy but is actually a hotel. They proceed to drink and chat and get to know each other. Jeffrey talks about coming out to his family and his relationship with his fiancé Jim. The new crop of chefs ask Josie, 'Why are you here again?' with unconcealed contempt. She says she wants to win as the 'global soul chef.' She adds, cryptically: 'Ride on and rock on, rock stars.'"

Hit Fix on Stefan: "Chrissy declares that Stefan looks like a thumb, and he's an evil villain. I now want to hear everything Chrissy has to say, because Stefan really does look like a thumb and that's a little bit brilliant.

Eater on Padma's first appearance this season: "During last week's premiere, Padma Lakshmi was heard and not seen and I began to worry that maybe she'd had an accident of some kind, that she was just a brain in a jar somewhere recording monotone voice-overs and appearing on QVC to sell jewelry and spice mixes. But to my great relief last night she arrives to greet the fifteen contestants in the Top Chef Kitchen, wearing an outfit, as she often does. Padma's clothes are very confusing. She is a television personality and former model, and basically a brand at this point. But if on average she wears two outfits an episode, for 13 episodes a season, and now this is her 9th season, has she run out of normal clothes? Do you think she buys off the rack? I do not know. She is gorgeous but she dresses like a mean rich aunt who invites you to dinner then clucks her tongue when you wear jeans, and you're like, 'it's a weeknight, so relax,' and she's all, 'wouldn't it be fun if I took you shopping?' and, uh, no it wouldn't, because most people who shop where you do have dentures and see-through hands. Here is Padma a few weeks ago at a Halloween party at the Hard Rock Hotel."

Posted on AllTopChef.com

Recap Roundup - Top Chef Seattle Ep 1

A Just Recompense on the episode in a nutshell: "But we start the season with an Audition Round, a variation on what they did last season: teams of 5 or 6 chefs meet one of 4 judges at their respective restaurants to perform a task under scrutiny. Some will get a jacket and move on to Seattle; some will go home and forever more (or at least for the next couple of months) be known as the chef who almost was on Top Chef. But don’t get your hopes up: I’ll tell you right now, there’s no Stone… Chef Tyler Stone… (who, for all his self-promotion, lasted all of two minutes) in this episode. But there is a Belgian knight. And the Most Hated Chef in Dallas."

Minxeats on facial hair: "You know, this season could have been great. It could have been the season of the Mustache. Sure, only two of the competitors have mustaches, but both are impressive. The other dude not only had the lip toupee, but he was also named Jorel. Yeah, like Superman's dad. Only skinny and pale and not played by Marlon Brando. I could have had fun spelling his name differently every week, as I did with fellow Kryptonian Ty-Lor last season. I might have even called Jorel 'Ty-Lor' just to see if you were paying attention."

Grub Street on Blessed are the Soup Makers: "Jeffrey, meanwhile, prays his gazpacho will be cold enough in time for the tasting. It’s kind of crazy, when you think about it: One guy is worried his soup is too hot, and the other guy is worried his soup is too cold. It reminds me of a famous story called 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears,' a bone-chilling tale about ursine obsessive-compulsive disorder."

Atlanta Journal Constitution on better than last season: "Much like Texas, we start off this season in the last phase of tryouts, with some more fat to trim before we have our final line up. Fortunately, instead of starting with a small army of cheftetants and wasting two episodes on their mass eliminations, we have 21 chefs split into 4 groups, their fate in the hands of one of the four celebrity chef/judges."

Reality Tea on The Ego: "John pimps himself as the 'most hated chef in Dallas.' Then, in case we're too dim to realize, he tells us that 'hated' basically means "awesome." John says he has a natural talent, and he's the best. Well, there you have it, Top Chef fans. Should we just call it a season and crown him the winner now? Eh, what fun would that be?"

Hit Fix has an interesting idea: "Josh also has a silly mustache, though somewhat less silly than Jorel's. I guess that hipster trend has infiltrated the food world, though I kind of hope these guys wear little tiny hair nets on their facial hair."

Mary Alice of Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on The Ego, Part II: "John Tesar begins our introductions with a fabulously arrogant start: He declares he's been given a 'natural talent' and 'Anthony Bourdain says I'm probably the best natural chef he's ever worked with.' I think I speak for everyone when I say: BARF. Anthony Bourdain hates name dropping sycophants and I think you're one, John."

Eater on Puck's Challenge: "Chef Wolfgang Puck auditions his pack of young bucks at his restaurant Cut in Beverly Hills to see who makes the 'cut.' Oh man, that is extremely clever, but I am afraid I cannot take credit for that. Bravo is responsible for that graceful and subtle bit of juxtaposition. I was excited by Chef Puck's challenge, as he asks everyone to make an omelet, and you always hear how many great chefs consider a well-made omelet the mark of a worthy cook. I make some pretty solid eggs, and I was eager to see how these presumably professional chefs tackled the challenge. The answer is terribly. All of these bozos make a bunch of clown omelets. Their omelets look like compost piles. 'My dish is finished with a touch of coffee grinds and garnished with pieces of shell.' Compared to how slick the competition looked for Tom and Emeril, these guys are an embarrassment."

Entertainment Weekly on miscast? "Carla Pellegrino, ex-wife of Frank Pellegrino and chef/owner of Bacio, looked as though she took a wrong turn in the Bravo offices on the way to a Real Housewives of New Jersey audition. She declared out of her puckered mouth, 'I am loud. I'm pretty sure if you ask some people they would call me a bitch when I turn my back. I would call me a bitch, too, sometimes.' I'm pretty sure Teresa Giudice has been heard saying the exactly same thing at least 37 times over the course of Real Housewives. Her Mediterranean omelet got a little messed up, but she covered it with an arugula salad, prompting Wolfgang to say, 'It looks like a woman with a lot of makeup on.' Actually, Carla was the sole target of Wolfgang's borderline misogynistic comments all night, including, 'This stove is like a woman, it never does what it's supposed to do.' Carla looks like she could cut a bitch, so tread lightly, Wolfgang. You may have saved yourself by letting her through."

If you're a recapper, and we missed you this time, please drop us a line at alltopchef@gmail.com and let us know!

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Recap Roundup - Top Chef Masters 4 Finale

A Just Recompense on Kerry: "Their assistants show up; Chris’s is his chef de cuisine, and Kerry is someone he works with on large events, “putting stuff together on the fly.” I’m confused. Kerry’s not cooking on a regular basis? Is not chef/owner of anything? Or executive chef? I don’t understand, just what does Kerry actually do these days? Besides fishing with Tom Colicchio? But you know, this finale is working on a special event, putting something together on the fly, so this could be an advantage for him."

Mary Alice of Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on sweet: "At the butcher's, Chris picks up beef hearts. His love letter is to his wife, and he will be putting his heart on a plate. Rim shot! Such a clever little sass. He paints a really sweet picture of he and his wife's relationship and says he wants to thank her for allowing him to live his dream. Their family photos are adorable. Color me more smitten by the minute."

LA Weekly on the differences between the two chefs: "Immediately, the differences between Heffernan and Cosentino became apparent. Heffernan, the more left-brained of the two, became focused on ingredients, believing that the stories would come later. Whereas the more right-brained, 'emotional' Cosentino allowed the dishes to build from his memories."

Gossip & Gab on something this blogger doesn't get at all: "Hottie host Curtis Stone reminded us all that he’s a chef in his own right, inviting Chris and Kerry to the top floor of the Cosmopolitan and preparing a dish in honor of each of them. He can cook, he’s easy on the eyes, he has that amazing Australian accent… /sigh."

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Recap Roundup - Top Chef Masters 4.9

A Just Recompense on Mystery Guests: "We know, and the chefs seem to know, the mystery guests will be someone they know. Turns out, the critics get to cook. I love this idea. Francis Lam graduated from the CIA (not to mention the University of Michigan, but that had nothing to do with cooking), and I know from her book Garlic and Sapphires that Ruth is an experienced cook; I suspect James knows his way around the kitchen as well. But for all the chefs know, they’re dealing with their crazy uncle Eddie, another chef’s parent or spouse, or previously eliminated chefs (which would be pretty cool, actually)."

Mary Alice of Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on the Mystery Guest dishes: "Chris and James’ shrimp dishes look very similar - even down to the plating. Curtis tastes each and says 'I actually can’t decide which I like more!' to which James responds, Oh, just shut the f--- up.' Sassy Molassy! Lorena and Francis didn’t get their pasta cooked in time so they present a saute of swiss chard with chicken and stuff on top. Curtis likes the sauce but wants something to put it on. Kerry and Ruth created a sauteed chicken dish with bacon, rosemary and swiss chard cream. Their plating is quite different — Ruth used half a chicken while Kerry’s is just small pieces. Hilariously Curtis likes Ruth’s dish better."

LA Weekly on the Elimination Challenge: "Keffernan's team had whipped up a Chicken Florentine, Garcia's a lasagna, and Cosentino's a basic pork dish -- no bells and whistles in any of them. But the chefs took different approaches when it came to vamping them up. Keffernan stayed relatively true to the original form, guiding the students in creating a Florentine-inspired chicken with orzo and asparagus ragout. Cosentino went out of his way to teach the kids that what a pig eats is reflected in how it tastes, and used the pig's presumed diet to help them put together a pork loin with hazelnut brown butter, apples, and watercress. And Garcia, the queen of "food is love," kept it basic, enhancing the students' lasagna with better ingredients and technique, and serving it family-style."

Gossip & Gab on smart: "Kerry Heffernan took notes during previous seasons and made the wise choice to be kind to his mystery partner."

The Zagat Blog on scary Kerry: "Kerry is kind of intense and terrifying, ordering the kids around and yelling at them to move faster and push harder like a scary gym teacher, but he whips them into shape and turns a string-cheese chicken Florentine into a Florentine-inspired chicken with orzo and asparagus ragu. And Kerry wins again! This man is on fire."
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Recap Roundup - Top Chef Masters 4.8

Mary Alice of Charm City Cakes for the Baltimore Sun on say what? "Critics' table -- or as Chris calls it, 'Top Chef Ulcer.' They call all four back. Everyone gushes over Kerry's progression from creamy to powerful. They question the sweetness of Lorena's chicken salad and the texture of her chocolate mousse. She admits she did not taste the chicken salad today, and James Oseland's eyebrows raise higher than any botox could ever hope for."

A Just Recompense goes ballistic on Kerry: "Kerry is very selfish! He has been a terrible teammate all along! And nobody ever calls him on it! Not even here on this blog! So I will call him on it! Kerry, you are selfish! You screwed Patricia on the Thai challenge! You got Clark sent home from the Grand Canyon! And now you destroyed Lorena’s dish! I do not know if he does it on purpose, or if he is just very focused and does not pay attention to other people. But if he is a chef, he should know better! And some one should scold him for it! Someone with more authority than me! I do not like Lorena, but I would treat her better than that! He cooked her salmon twenty minutes early so he could cook his shrimp! I would think the chef could handle cooking a piece of fish and some shrimp at the same time! It is not like they were cooking for 700 people, they were making three portions! And what makes me very angry is that Kerry wins! His Shrimp Farfalle with Herbs and Yellow Tomato Beurre Fondue was creamy and tangy. So what, he is Not Nice! I do not care if he is best friends with Tom Colicchio or not! City Harvest gets $2500 and it is hard to complain about that. Just because he is Not Nice does not mean his charity should be held responsible!"

LA Weekly on he's too nice to be a judge: "After tasting the dishes, Avello said the most refreshing, honest thing we've ever heard a guest judge say on this show -- that he was honored to taste the food of such amazing chefs and had no place complaining about any of it. (Right. On. Finally! Why do these guests judges suddenly act like they're Alan Richman?) But he had a favorite, and that was Heffernan's shrimp farfalle -- a dish that carried the weight of Garcia's seared salmon with rice that didn't make the plate."

Gossip & Gab is one of two recappers who don't know the difference between "tureen" and "terrine" (Mary Alice is the other): "All of the chefs were brought before the judge’s table for commentary. Kerry Heffernan got great reviews for all of his dishes. Lorena Garcia was taken to task over a few aspects of her dishes – like the sweetness and consistency of her chocolate mousse. Chris Cosentino received rave reviews for his tureen, as well as a comment on the inconsistency in the doneness of his meat dish. The bread was a flop for Patricia Yeo, and her dishes didn’t meld into a cohesive meal."

The Zagat Blog on whiteness: "As the chefs are setting up their picnic dinner the next day, the 300 patrons arrive. To the uninitiated, Diner en Blanc looks like a cross between a cult and a Tom Wolfe fan convention. The whole 'everyone in white' thing is schticky."

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